Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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