Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize