Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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