I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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