oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
