8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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