so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
