She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
