Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
