So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
