How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
