I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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