Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
