the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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