Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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