do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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