do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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