did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think my mom watched the whole time
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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