I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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