$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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