That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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