Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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