is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
