I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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