Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
