I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
