Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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