So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
