dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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