So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
