How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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