So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
