Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
