did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize