I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
