New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize