Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
