sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
