someone get that fucking seahorse.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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