does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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