Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
