Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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