Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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