my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
