That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
