accomplished twins. life is a go
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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