I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am available for nakedness
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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