I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
