On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
