Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
