i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
