dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
