And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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