I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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