I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
