Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
