Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
