I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
