you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
