I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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