marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
honey bunches of taint.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
