IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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