VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
