I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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