you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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