i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
