guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
