I'm drive I can fine osifer
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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