Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was confusing and full of hummus
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
