it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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