shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
