it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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