was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
