yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize