you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
