ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
