So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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